afterschool special

oh, hi. now where was i?

2010-12-01T11:20:00.000-08:00

"i think there's a bigger difference between people who have kids vs. people who don't have kids than there is between democrats and republicans." -jon stewart

so this was stated in the context of making a point that our political views don't divide us as much as the media would like us to believe, but given my new parental status, i got hung up on the former part of the idea. a year ago i would have said NO EFFING WAY. now, i can kind of get my head around it. and although i'm not entirely willing to believe i have much in common with someone who doesn't support the right to marry, the right to choose, or the right to healthcare, it does accurately acknowledge the supreme significance of the metamorphosis that has gone down in the castillo ryznar house this year... and that goes down in households every single time a first baby is born. i can respect it now, with every fiber of my being.

when someone asks, 'so how is it being a parent?' we tend to keep the responses bite-sized, much akin to answering 'how's it goin?' but if i was gonna get all confucius (and totally honest) on you i would clumsily rip off a quote i read somewhere and say that having a baby is experiencing reincarnation within your own lifetime. or in my words, 'it's like, the biggest thing that has ever happened to me.'

so all you cuckoo parents, grandparents, and random baby-obsessed others: you win. babies really are magic and justify every second of the hullabaloo. i'm slow-clapping at you today, and... at, errr... me.

killing time

2010-01-01T12:36:00.000-08:00

work's wrapped up. holidays are over. just waiting for gary. limitations: it feels like someone has attached a bowling ball filled with 2-3 squirrels to my abdomen with an ace bandage. tightly, but poorly. so "getting dressed" and "doing stuff outside the house" is a lot of work and usually better just avoided at this point.

i look out the windows a lot. fortunately, we have a fantastic view of all of los angeles. just as good as the one at griffith park observatory, yamashiro japanese restaurant, or the getty center. not bragging... i once lived a whole year in a non air-conditioned efficiency above a garage with a sole view of the rich neighbor's sparkling aqua pool. i've earned this. what makes the view even better now is that i received a telescope for christmas! for "stargazing". but who are we kidding, there ain't no stars in the LA sky. so i've been narrowing in on who's picnicking on gravesites at the forest lawn cemetery, the christmas tree on top of the capitol records building, and what's happening in the mc donald's drive-in on fletcher avenue and san fernando blvd. i haven't worked up much of a desire to spy on neighbors yet, but i am sure that'll come. if there wasn't a hill between us, we would have been able to see who was cutting a rug at our friend's new year's party we didn't make it to lastnight. ironically, the blue moon was on the wrong side of our house til well past midnight, so i didn't even get to see it. nonetheless, the telescope is one of the greatest gifts i've ever received. just looking at it on our balcony makes me happy. it gives me a sense of secret power.

more to come in telescopic observations. do i need a baby or what?

the end

2009-12-29T19:45:00.000-08:00

any day now this baby i have been growing since april is going to come out, and i have been blessed with some serious quiet time to reflect on what that all means. i'm excited. i'm scared. i'm exhausted. i'm emotional. i'm disconnected. i'm ready.

i never thought i would ever feel ready, but it's not even 'ready' in my natural sense of the word. turns out, most of my assumptions on what happens next in life and how that is going to feel are not necessarily dead-wrong, but totally unimagined. and that makes me feel an excitement about life i really needed.

right now i am reading the latest chuck klosterman roundup of deep thoughts, and he proposes the theory that we are physiologically happier when we don't know what's about to happen. by that logic i should be jumping out of my skin with elation right about now. i would say i am in some kind of anticipation fog where time is almost standing still, which is sometimes pleasurable, sometimes miserable, but undeniably present.

so the baby stayed in until 2010, which is great cause we have better insurance now. i think i am subconsciously giving him the go ahead to come on out now... maybe wait til tomorrow so i can get the last of the laundry done... but it's down to days now, and the real-o-meter just went up to 11.

i'll light the fire...

2009-10-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

this month's move marks the 20th residence I have inhabited. i've lived in guest houses, tree houses, garage lofts, victorian flats, studios, efficiencies, spare rooms, dorms, other peoples' bedrooms, and seriously considered one of those huge playhouses for insanely rich peoples' children during a particularly desperate time in my mid-twenties. not kidding, i've pictured a few below. they are insulated, climate-controlled, and incredibly rad.

i had a memorable amount of fun imagining my 26 year old self living in one of these out in the woods, on the beach, or in someone's backyard.

but that's neither here nor there (pregnant brain, please excuse). the point of this entry was to reflect on the only house that really got into me... the house we just moved out of over on walcott way. more importantly than all the wonderful physical features of living in what could be thought of as gordon lightfoot's hideaway on a crazy windy hill surrounded by crazy windy neighbors, there were so many life-defining moments happening inside as well. lots of milestones and lots of love. our landlords once told us that the house used to be something of a drug den back in the 70s, which made me feel like our old house had seen some scary and neglectful times. it felt good to breathe some real joy back into it. in all my 20 residences, i've never felt a house's soul until living at ol' walcott way. i suppose the house was a metaphor for the transformation happening in my own life. whatever the case, it really affected me to see it emptied of our things and back to the boards and nails it once was.

aw man! i'm getting sad now. another awesome playhouse to cheer me up:

here's lookin' at you, walcott way, for housing our hearts for awhile.

maternity clothes racket

2009-09-29T15:16:00.000-07:00

it's no different than any other consumer racket to get you to buy stuff you don't really need (stretchy jeans aside), but because you are pregnant you suddenly have zero tolerance for it and (if you are me) have no problem telling them so. no joke, the saleswoman actually said to me, 'what do you normally wear?' in a tone that suggested i'll need assistance differentiating underwear from sweaters because these garments are all slightly roomier in the stomach and therefore like nothing i have ever encountered. she went onto explain to me the intricacies of maternity sizing: if you are normally a "small," then you would still buy a "small." when i told her i would be fine browsing on my own, she gave me that 'okaaaaay' that really says, 'don't come crying to me when a tag says ankle length and you don't know what to do!' ironically, i received zero assistance as i carried around an armload of heavy jeans looking for the dressing room. but not to fear, they were back again as i checked out, offering me everything from blood-cord banking (yeah, i'm at the glendale galleria. this seems like a good time to sign up for vital organ storage) to registering for an account in which to start my baby's college fund (now that i have overpriced pants to fit over my ass, let's buckle down and get serious about paying for USC!) seriously i think i said 'no thanks' 5 or 6 times before i dropped the 'thanks,' maybe a 'nope' and an 'uh-uh' for variety before the questioning finally came to an end. fittingly, i left my first trip to pea in the pod empty-handed, because the one offer they couldn't give me was the one advertised for the jeans that i was buying. turns out they forgot to take the 'sale' sign down and the jeans were actually fifteen dollars more. never has it been easier to say, 'you know what? you guys have no handle on your demographic,' take back my credit card, and walk out the door. as i made my way over to mrs. field's cookies i realized, unfortunately, i still needed those damn stretchy jeans–desperately–and so i went back on a weekday when i knew different salespeople would be there. they still offered me the blood-cord banking, they still got my hard earned extra fifteen dollars. but the lesson's not lost on me: not unlike a cookie break, some victories are short but pretty dang sweet.

i'm a published photog!

2009-08-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

well, to clarify: i submitted some enthusiast shots of LA to a friend who was putting together a book inspired by the weather in LA, and some of them made the final cut... one shot even making the cover! lots of creative folks contributed to the book, and priced at $9.99 it can be yours for a song.

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/80andsunny/7383513

no comment.

2009-08-10T11:43:00.000-07:00

i took the comment option off my blog. when you're a small-time blogger, at some point you realize it's never going to give you the validation comment sections are meant to provide.

what i did on my summer vacation

2009-08-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

i grew a gary!

i must admit i was having trouble 'feeling' the whole baby thing. i like to see before i can believe, and two months in montreal with no doctor kept me from seeing. that's all changed now. now there's a little guy, with little arms, and little ribs, and a teeny tiny nub for a penis, just plugging along on his journey to start his own little life. today has gone in slow motion, just as it should.

face it people

2009-07-31T09:04:00.000-07:00

there's no easter bunny, the globe is warming, and they ALL did steroids. manny ramirez, the big poppa, sammy sosa, the dude from the SF giants, A-rod... pretty much any baseball hero from the past 10 years has had a little help hitting those home runs. the media does seem to be losing a little of its fervor this time around, but for the most part you still get a general sense of both media and fan outrage when these stories break. i get it, i do... people really want to believe that there are still these very special humans out there who can excel beyond our wildest dreams, and when we find out it wasn't for real, we feel duped. but here's the problem: our wildest dreams are on steroids. for a whole 'nother blog's worth of reasons, we are accustomed to a superhuman standard of perfection in all we consume. our movie stars have no facial expressions, our magazines are airbrushed, 75 is the new 18, boners last for days, moms are HOT, babies do yoga, tomatoes are huge, and there are turquoise roses. we take pills to curb the side effects of the pills we take to keep us abnormally happy, calm, rested, and socially adjusted. it's naive to think our athletes DON'T need drugs to break records. i'm not saying we aren't capable of naturally evolving into a stronger and more perfect species, but our expectations have exceeded the pace of our natural evolution because we got confused about the concept of progress and learned how to cheat. so go easy on the athletes, everyday man, and think about how much you love your cadillac escalade.

a living room

2009-07-30T15:11:00.001-07:00

that really fucking goes for it.

image from la.curbed.com

HOME

2009-07-30T13:58:00.000-07:00

what i missed the most:
meals with friends
driving
trader joe
thrift store shopping
menus in english
94.7 the waaaave
topanga canyon drive to the beach
my house
the sun
smell of dried eucalyptus
the mountains at twilight
lights and palm tree silhouettes on the hills at night

what i miss the most now:
my JD

image by steve agee

another dog post

2009-07-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

real quick, the way my dog cuddles his entire body around my pregnant belly and presses his ear up to it is pretty much the most adorable thing in my whole entire universe. i now know for a fact it is not possible to explode from exposure to extreme cuteness because i would be smattered in bits all over the walls by now.

rest in peace little one

2009-07-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

today i heard that gidget, the taco bell chihuahua, has died. go home and give your little doggie an extra long squeeze tonight, if you have one of these hilarious little creatures. they're only on this earth for a short while.

in the nick of time.

2009-07-21T10:54:00.000-07:00

i did a google search to find out if there were any other people that think nick arrojo's haircuts on 'what not to wear' are as hideous as i do. (i'm not going to pretend like it's a slow day, this is something i think about.) i don't know what it is with 'what not to wear.' as much as it used to upset me, they were doing something right because i kept on watching. i used to hate it for stacy and clinton and their wonderbread fashion taste, especially when they had someone on who had some kind of personal style going on. they would suck the life out of a perfectly adorable 23 year old anime girl and transform her into an ann taylor-bot. but i powered through and over the years they have totally grown on me. their rules generally make sense. even carmindy has taken a more realistic approach when making over someone who works in a paper mill for a living. all i have left to hate is nick arrojo! i can always be guaranteed a soccer mom layer cut, a fluffy poodle head, or BANGS! he is genetically programmed to cut bangs on everyone!

but in my search to find others of the same opinion i come to learn that he has been REPLACED BY A NEW STYLIST. i know the TLC fan world is small and the 'what not to wear' fan world even smaller, but this is a huge development! i can't imagine the program without that awkward nick arrojo segment, where he insists on cutting someone's hair 5 inches more than she just finished telling him she wanted while he has the chair turned away form the mirror. and the reveal! oh i'll miss the reveal, which usually goes something like, 'uh, wow. it's not what i expected. i don't recognize myself. i'm turning red now to keep from bursting into tears. please leave now.'

here's to the end of the nick era. i'll miss you, lil guy.

a tribute.

2009-07-21T09:30:00.000-07:00

i peruse a lot of blogs written by very crafty and talented women who seem to have the most organized and beautiful lives. and a lot of free time! lots of pics of tea sandwiches, perfectly round cookies, brightly colored homemade soups, etc. vignettes that never seem to happen in my life, ever. i thought maybe i am just not seeing the beauty in everyday life. so, in an attempt to bring more beauty into my life/blog, i made a cake.

the recipe (i was lucky to find it in both french AND english, so even you non-french speakers can try this at home) i found the directions fairly easy to follow:

the result (CAUTION i found the end product to not "hold" very well):

i'm sick of the frenchies!

2009-07-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

so this whole time i have been thinking that there were two official languages spoken in montreal: french and english. this misinformation has festered into a serious beef regarding the need for a single official national language. because here's the thing: while you can skate by on english alone for awhile, at some point you are going to get a french-only menu, a french-only speaking clerk, passerby, etc., and you are going to have that helpless feeling of not being able to communicate. also i feel like a huge douche when i say things in french. you just can't fake that accent. but even more than helpless, you'll feel annoyed because you thought this was supposed to be a "bilingual city," not a city that can pick and choose all willy nilly. i'm all for a bilingual society, but then commit, and do it fully.

i have really been on my soapbox about this for the past month or so, working myself up into a tizzy, taking on FOX newslike attitudes, silently accusing people of speaking french in exaggerated tones just to alienate stupid americans. french? really? they're CANADIAN fer crissakes! and i still have a hunch that could be true... but i did get around to actually READING something on the matter and i learned that there IS an official language, french. whoops. fine then. i'll stop my bitching now and go back to my sheepish attempts to show respect, such as subconsciously bowing as i whisper 'merci'.

the new rule

2009-07-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

i am going to TRY to stop downplaying the milestones in my life. i think partly because of reality tv, partly because of societal commercialization, and partly from associating with a jaded generation of thinkers, i have come to feel embarrassed about celebrating just about anything. graduations, birthdays, weddings, babies... i feel like a sucker if i buy into any of it, and feel the need to constantly apologize for those times i do allow myself a little traditional joy. when planning our wedding, i felt very self conscious about going overboard, making it too cheesy, talking about it too much, spending too much money, having such a large reception, taking an elaborate honeymoon. i worried what people would think of me, buying into all the traditions i had spent the better part of my 20s criticizing. but standing in the middle of the room at the reception i looked around and realized even planning with such caution and self consciousness, the thing still ended up feeling rather epic in comparison to what i had always imagined. and it wasn't because we handed over our wedding plans to martin short or wanted to get featured on TLC. we ended up with a grand affair as the result of our own ideas to do things differently. and because some shit (like food and décor) is just easier left to the pros. the whole experience showed me that i am shortchanging myself as long as i worry what people think of me. it's funny how a cliché lesson isn't so cliché when you realize you aren't immune to it.

so with that, i forge ahead, trying to take a more bad ass bite out of life, making no more apologies. i wanna be one of those blissfully oblivious people i shake my head at way too often. maybe that's a bit lofty, we'll see.

from the mtv series 'my super sweet 16':

that's right

2009-06-30T08:29:00.000-07:00

i'm pregnant. i suppose this is no secret to the 4 people that read this blog, so in lieu of some clumsy facebook announcement, i'm just gonna talky talk all about it right here at afterschool special. we decided to keep it quiet for the first trimester in case something went awry, but here we are, week 12, still pukin', boobs still growin', although not much of a baby showin'. i think this is really happening. the only thing i can safely take away from all the books and websites is that unless you are squirting blood from the eye, all of your random concerns are nothing to be concerned about. everyone's different, and someone else has gone through it before you, just maybe not anyone you know. that, and the fact that i have somehow managed to avoid all pregnancy knowledge for the past 34 years with the exception of what i might have taken away from 'she's having a baby' (pregnancy's a crazy ride!), 'knocked up' (sometimes you're not married!), the papa don't preach video (sucks if you're a teen and dating sean penn!), and maybe 'father of the bride 2' (your mom could still have a baby and deliver at the exact same time as you!). i won't even read parts of my baby-having manual cause i ain't ready to know some stuff yet. it doesn't help keeping things secret either, because i feel alone enough as it is. very alone. so there you go. news. baby name rants and other hypocritical baby-related discoveries to come. yeah, i'm gonna raid this blog with it, yo. cells is growing in my uterus and it's a big ol' deal.

rendering of gary/donna and my vagina/butt/etc. he looks like he is praying for me to have a chocolate donut:

mini moving day

2009-06-24T06:47:00.000-07:00

today we are finally leaving this ikea disguised as pottery barn (which ain't much to disguise as if you ask me) weird beige box that is our montreal apartment. i sorta knew from the beginning this place/neighborhood was not going to be our jam, but sometimes you trust those who are paid to know better. and then you remember that there are those people who kinda suck at their jobs. i've always had better luck ignoring most peoples' advice and doing my own homework, even if that homework is just sifting through tons and tons of advice. so, with lessons re-learned, we shove off to a brand new house and neighborhood to call home for the next month. even fancy ray has been a little depressed here. he was raised on the 70s and sunny, grainy and crackly kind of lifestyle we got goin' on back home. i'm trying to keep his spirits up by holding him in my lap as much as possible, wrapped in the warmth of a rust colored velour blanket. this dog (and this lady) need some ELO, STAT!

much to do today. will post pics of new place soon!

The Sweetest of Peas

2009-06-13T07:23:00.001-07:00

empty corridors and full hearts

2009-06-08T06:08:00.001-07:00

it's a bright blue sky here today in montreal. i don't think i have seen one of these since i left los angeles. also i am feeling better today than i have felt in the past month (knock on wood) and it makes me appreciate the simple joy of feeling like yourself. of having the desire to get dressed, work, smile, walk, eat, listen to music.

and all this time

2009-06-05T09:14:00.000-07:00

i worried that i wasn't being the good friend.

here comes the sun

2009-06-01T13:22:00.000-07:00

side note: wait, there are places in this world where your commercial flight can go off radar? maybe put the hubble telescope aside for a sec and get on this problem. i mean, fuck.

side note: i love how the media spends all day speculating why susan boyle might have had a nervous breakdown. dickheads.

and lastly: yay conan's back!

things are a little better. got out and about montreal this weekend. they have this new thing called bixi bikes here, where you can check out a bike at one place, ride it where you need to go and drop it someplace else. we saw these in france but never tried them out. i am a big fan! not ideal for every city, but definitely great for here. made our way up to the funky plateau mont royal neighborhood, went to a street fair, and people watched. feels good to get out and see what's happening in my new town. we were the picture of tourism, us on our bixi bikes. lots of locals stared at us and a couple even asked us how we liked using them. i felt a little like how people on celebrity tour buses in LA might feel, but slightly cooler cause we were on bikes and not celebrity tour buses.

sunday we rode the metro, a true rite of passage when new to any major metropolis. much easier on my out-of-shape self than the bikes. went back to the funky hood, froze our butts off and found a cozy cafe to hide out in. JD ordered poutine, a dish they like to eat up here consisting of fries, cheese, and gravy. not bad, especially if you want to take a nap later. we got caught in the rain on the way home. all in all, a pretty perfect first weekend.

i made it.

2009-05-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

here i am in montreal. very grueling day of flights to get here. haven't fully recovered yet. it's odd being in a new city by obligation of sorts. keeping a regular work schedule, there hasn't been that much time to do any exploration. just confined to this little apartment and the little view i have of the newspaper offices across the street. the weather's been gray and pretty chilly. i should mention that i have been very very sick since i arrived, which has obviously colored my experience here significantly. who wants to discover a whole new world when you may barf at any given moment? i think i feel depressed about things. which sucks because i really looked forward to this as an exciting adventure in our lives.

i think living in los angeles for the past 5 years has really made me soft and spoiled. i forget what a cold gray wednesday feels like. i forget what it feels like to be restricted by the weather in terms of what you wear or if you even care to venture outdoors. i think in los angeles people tend to romanticize those days. 'ohhh i would just love a gray chilly day to just stay inside and watch a movie.' not me. there's nothing romantic about it. i feel nothing but sad.

whatever, bottom line is i'm sick as shit and that would make two months in fiji miserable. here's hoping the tides turn soon.

more for wednesday

2009-05-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

there’s a part 2 to this entry. sometimes i realize i’m not done yet. i was just reading my friend kelly’s blog about how people don’t blog anymore and friendly communication is now reduced down to tweets and facebook status updates. you know what i miss? the long ass emails era. from the late nineties to the early otts, i exchanged fantastically lengthy, well-constructed, plot-driven, detail-ridden, emotionally vulnerable and usually hilarious TOMES with friends. i loved so many things about it. it was old-fashioned letter-writing rediscovered, and it was written for just one special someone in mind. the art and mindset of writing a letter is like no other form of communication, and it makes me sad to know it’s nearly gone. so what we lose in communication artforms we gain in accessibilty and volume. but what are we really gaining? i know someone just got home from a walk with their baby, but i don’t know about the profound ways their life has changed since having that baby. i know someone is talking about killing themselves, but i don’t know them well enough to know if they are joking or to, you know, ask them about it in “real life.” i often wonder what effect our sassy new communication methods will have on us as a society. i for one feel much less secure around people than i ever did before i knew so much about their minutiae. and boy, would i love an old-fashioned letter sometime.

new frontiers

2009-05-13T13:06:00.000-07:00

uh, hi. the holidays were immediately followed by unemployment, minimal bathing, etc. if you’re blogging things tend to get philosophical during this time. considering i was bored by my own thoughts, i figured i’d spare the three of you my superfluous insight. then i began a new job. my thoughts on this were thoroughly covered with my face-to-face support system/peanut gallery, but i can tell you it was another round of philosphical musings on ‘happy workers’ and the spirit of the individual. college talk. nothing new. just relevant to me at the moment. that moment has faded and i am delighted to find myself embarking on a new, blog-worthy adventure: moving to montreal for two months.

JD’s current gig is taking him to canada, and since i get to telecommute i am going too. my knowledge of canada is limited to the two times i rode the bus from st. paul to winnipeg for my brother’s canadian hockey exchange program. the first time i met rob stone from mr. belvedere in our hotel lobby, and the second time i was old enough to pass for 18 and drank beer in a bar called the keg. both of these trips took place over twenty years ago and in winnipeg, not montreal, which i suppose would be like thinking you know miami because you traveled to chicago once in 1983. so i have no real canada, and especially no montreal experience. which is oddly stressful for me in my nickel years. more to come.

just workin' it out.

2009-02-27T22:14:00.001-08:00

noteworthy hollywood, part 3

2009-01-12T17:50:00.000-08:00

here's another one from the vault. anyone seen 'breakin 2: electric boogaloo'? of course you have! it's the neon sequel to 'breakin,' the one which no one seems to have seen. which is too bad, considering the first 'breakin' is massively better... at least massively better in the breakdancing movie genre sense. BUT, we're talking about LA locations here, and worse or not, 'breakin 2: electric boogaloo' features structures i can still pose with. and so, i give you two locations from the film.

first up: miracles, the youth center TKO is suddenly super involved with and will need to raise $200,000 for in order to spare from demolition. or should i say just T and O are suddenly involved with? kelly joins the cause after she decides that hanging out with street riff raff is way better for her rich white girl complex than touring as a professional dancer in france. anywho, it's over in east LA. less neon, but still standing.

secondly: the little park bandshell where all the latin kids dance. this is where turbo picks up the spanish-only speaking chick. they go on to forge the second least sexual romantic relationship of all time (first one being that of ozone and kelly's), transcending the language barrier by communicating exclusively through miming, dancing, and high pitched nonsensical coos. almost makes you totally forget that turbo was subconsciously in love with ozone. and who can blame him? ozone was a choreographer, DANCER.

happy birthday fancy ray!

2009-01-11T18:45:00.000-08:00

today is my little fancy ray's 4th birthday. he is pretty much the best little dog a person could ask for, if you like tiny little rat, i mean, RAD dogs.

we have a mirror collage on our living room wall, cause we are retro like that. anyway, you can see into the kitchen from the living room and vice versa... cause that's how mirrors work, ya dummy! well, PEOPLE know this. but as i have learned, dogs don't necessarily grasp the whole mirror concept, which makes for great fun when spying on them. the other night, we turned out all the lights and watched the dog through the mirrors to see what he did when we weren't in the room. turns out, he's real creepy. he just sits on top of the couch, in the dark. we laughed really hard and we took a picture through the mirror.

i don't have a point to this story. but if you have an animal friend you absolutely adore to pieces, you get it.

Friday.

2009-01-09T18:25:00.000-08:00

blog about nothing

2009-01-05T12:50:00.000-08:00

this is a blog about how sometimes nothing comes to mind. fleeting thoughts. nothing worth recording. so i will do a free association exercise.

richard nixon
tv
today show
richard simmons
joannie greggins
morning
privacy
facebook
procrastination
cookies
ralphs
anxiety
insomnia
melatonin
dreams
ann wilson

hm. nope. still no triggers. brain is officially numb.

happy new years eve

2008-12-31T15:23:00.000-08:00

here's a quote i read recently and really like:

"there are some years that ask questions and some years that answer."

went on a lovely walk in griffith park with my beloved mr. ryz today. i felt happy, because in 2008 at least one lifelong question has at long last been answered. and for that, i feel about as blessed as one can feel.

now, onto the rest...

bea sings.

2008-12-30T23:31:00.000-08:00

and just in time for new year's!

"why bother with a good foundation?"

2008-12-29T20:39:00.000-08:00

What happens when you construct a building on a bad foundation? Over time, the base of the building will shift or sink. You will begin to notice cracks in the walls and slopes in the floors. If it gets bad enough windows will break. Eventually even pipes will burst. Finally the building will simply fall apart.

For a while you can patch up the building, fixing things as they break. This is costly in both time and money. In short order the cost of repairs will be more than the cost of laying a good foundation in the first place.

With this in mind, why wouldn't everyone build on a good foundation? There are several reasons. Ignorance is one. They don't know how to create a proper foundation, so they just do the best they can. Or they may know better, but want to avoid the extra expense. Or they may have the know-how and the finances, but they are in a hurry to get the building up, so they decide not to waste too much time on the foundation. Then there are people who are just lazy, or they just don't care.

what happened?

2008-12-27T13:07:00.000-08:00

time warp that is the holidays/recovering from the holidays. all in all, a great holiday. more to come when i get my tasks of the day completed.

christmas eve eve

2008-12-23T21:39:00.000-08:00

i thought it would be funny to make a baby cheesus as an appetizer for our party on thursday. turns out i am not the first one to play on these words with such hilarity. i googled someone who made a baby cheesus in a "spanger," which is a manger made of spam. naturally.

i am bothered by this because the play on spam and manger is not clever like how cheese and jesus is. how would you even say that? spainger? spannger? it doesn't work and now the whole idea is ruined. also, the baby cheesus is like a little square of cheese. i was thinking intricate carved details, a halo, the sins of the world on his shoulders. no, this is NOT the baby cheesus i had in mind, but it's the one that came first, and the one that you will forever see when you google 'baby cheesus.'

i shouldn't google so much. whenever i have an idea, i get discouraged before i even get started because i see that someone has done it (usually poorly but passionately) already. i need to believe i am original and special and number one, and google is setting me up to fail at everything forever. curses, google! i love you and i hate you!

since i missed yesterday

2008-12-22T12:29:00.000-08:00

here is a second entry for today. i love this video for two reasons: one, because my friend willy roberts made it and two, because it warms my heart.

but i was sick!

2008-12-22T10:19:00.000-08:00

not even a week, and i've already missed a day. so much for being able to stick with anything ever. i am a sad sack. i will never change.

this is the first time in my life i have not been in minnesota for christmas. on top of that, i am in los angeles, which is pretty much the opposite of west st. paul in every way imaginable. it's got me feeling all out of sorts, like christmas is going on somewhere else and i am not a part of it, like yom kippur or dia de los muertos.

i pretended i didn't feel like ass for a few hours and went to the grove yesterday with my sweet and caring friend adelle. we discussed the horrific things we'd seen happen to animals as kids and how that has everything to do with why we treat our own animals like baby jesuses. she told me a great story about someone whose cat escaped from the car during a pee break on a road trip and how the guy looked for the cat in a muddy field for 16 hours. he put fliers up all over, and drove back to this town repeatedly to look for the cat for an entire year. that alone would have been a touching, albeit kinda pathetic story. BUT, some boy found a stray cat eating from a dumpster and recognized him from the what i like to imagine were thousands of fliers in his town, called the dude and cat and dude were reunited again! it was a nice ending to the animal portion of our conversation.

we also came upon an advice book, cause the world is filled with pompous assholes who think their advice is so original it should be packaged and sold. and fuckin a, it sells, so good for them. most of the advice was of your garden variety anthropologie brand... look inward for the answers, paint the soul yellow... but there was one i hadn't seen yet: limit all visits to 5 hours. i didn't retain the rest of the page that explained why it was 5 hours and not 4 or 6; it wasn't necessary to know. i just like when someone assigns a rule involving an arbitrary number and applies to every unforseeable scenario for the rest of their lives. it's an eccentric pass, and no one will argue with you. they'll just shrug their shoulders and say 'i dont know, she's got this thing with 5 hours,' and they'll love you anyway. probably even more. cause let's face it, 5 hours of even yours truly is enough for everyone.

the nails of a dog

2008-12-20T18:20:00.000-08:00

today i took my dog fancy ray to get his nails clipped. this chore is right up there with getting gas. don't like it, but absolutely necessary. i take him over to catts and dogs on hyperion, and for 12 bucks, they do a decent job. once in awhile though, the dog is feisty and they accidently clip too far into the nail and it bleeds. the dog yelps a painful yelp and it damn near breaks my heart. i don't blame the groomers, as i know dogs can be really really difficult, especially when the dog's legs are the size of golf pencils. it's just unfortunate. and today was one of those days. poor lil ray with his overclipped toe.

i saw at the CVS there's a product out there for 'easy dog nail grooming'. it's an automatic file of some sort, i'm guessing like the ones they have in nail salons. it seems easy enough, but i wonder if anyone has tried this? i know only 3 people really read my blog, but i think at least one of you has a dog. anyway, lemme know what you think.

ok that;s all for now. time for some tomato soup and grilled cheese. yay illness!

stayin' put

2008-12-19T18:47:00.000-08:00

i decided to not take the risk this time and hang back in LA for the weekend, which works out well seeing as how my old man and i have come down with some nasty colds. will try, try again in january. i really hope this cold doesn't last too long. i can't even smell the fresh evergreen from the xmas tree.

ok that is all for now. i have medicine head.

to drive, or not to drive?

2008-12-18T17:31:00.001-08:00

i was all set to see some of my dearest friends in san francisco tomorrow. however, there have been massive amounts of rain in LA for the past week, which means massive amounts of snow in the mountains i need to drive through in order to get to san francisco. the freeway was closed this morning, and drivers were stranded overnight. of course, today there was no rain and the roads could be fine by tomorrow. if this was in minnesota, they would no doubt be just fine. they are snow removing fools up there. but this is california, and i have the sense they don't have the snow removal thing down to a lightning-speed science just yet.

i recently read 'downtown owl' the new chuck klosterman novel. it's about people living in north dakota and the grand finale is set around a blizzard. lesson from that book is: hey, snow is bad ass. don't fuck with it.

it certainly would be ironic if i got stuck in the snow after just having read 'downtown owl'. am monitoring the situation. to be continued.

junk mail box names

2008-12-18T00:27:00.000-08:00

today i decided to check out what's happening in my gmail junk box. in case you have a magically immune email account, most junk mailboxes are filled with emails from insanely fake named people in what i can only assume is an effort to fool you into thinking they are actual contacts. a few of the latest and greatest:

rasheeda sophie
ace bridges
bethel ilene
lin minerva
aguistin blair
herlinda addie
concha queen
tamera starla
alaster ballard
alford aguilar
sha carrol

sha??? come on, that's not even trying. to be fair, i would maybe maaaybe be interested in what ace bridges had to say, had the subject line not said '#1 Internet Viagra Inline Pharmacy', and wasn't in the company of emails from zana maggie and mitchell ja. clearly email spam companies don't have their top people working on this.

blog a day

2008-12-17T12:21:00.000-08:00

as i have mentioned before, i can't subscribe to new year's resolutions because calendar defined timelines don't work for personal growth. it is today, december 17th, that i challenge myself to blog once a day for as long as i can. here goes:

lastnight i watched the 'curious story of benjamin button', or whatever the cutesy title was. if you are looking forward to seeing it, you should stop reading this right now, as i believe they call this a spoiler.

it should have been called 'forest gump, but with brad pitt, and instead of being mentally retarded the main character gets young'. literally. you could play the movies side by side and probably have the exact same scene happen on at least four instances. i would probably only watch this movie again to do just that, and i like to watch movies over and over and over again. the story had great potential... the idea of someone getting mentally older and physically younger simultaneously. how awesome would this person be when their brain is super smart and wise yet they have the strength and energy of a kid? unfortunately you don't see that in this movie, which sucks, because this would have totally been the movie to show that kind of awesomeness. it's mildly annoying, considering it was like 3 hours long, and was nominated for a best picture golden globe and 'milk' was not, which means it'll probably be nominated for all the oscars and 'milk' will not. oh well. i'm not invested enough to rant beyond right now, just the prevalent thought for my first blog-a-day.

speaking of, go see 'milk' if you haven't yet. it's great, it's heartbreaking, it's inspiring, and its release is so necessarily timed.

cool!

2008-11-19T19:16:00.001-08:00

if you pride yourself on your keen sense of color, you will have fun with this. i scored a 19, but i could have tried harder. i really could have!

http://www.xrite.com/custom_page.aspx?PageID=77

Blog asleep, not dead

2008-09-29T23:36:00.000-07:00

man, i cannot keep up with all these politics, economy crises, and other cries of outrage right now. i've gots meself a full plate these days. i don't even give a shit about the gas right now! that's how preoccupied i am. SO i will return in a few weeks, bright-eyed and bushy tailed, maybe before this election, maybe after. til then, here;s a dog in a bun. go USA

Hate on Wells Fargo much?

2008-08-24T13:19:00.000-07:00

so i am finally taking my business away from this this evil death corporation after 10 years! i've had more than my share of hairpulling insanity in dealing with these people, and i found that i am not alone:

http://www.greggman.com/pages/wellsfargo.htm

who is getting paid to think here?

2008-07-31T15:31:00.000-07:00

so i don't get very political up in here, but sometimes i just can't even handle how much it would suck if mccain somehow became president. case in point, his latest attack ad insinuating barack obama is just a worthless celebrity like paris hilton and brtiney spears and we're all just a bunch of morons for buying into it. whatever. that's not remotely surprising. what IS worth posting is the fact that the hilton empire probably inadvertently paid for the ad, seeing as how they are big ol' contributors to the mccain campaign. nice. where are the mccain people being paid to, you know, know this AHEAD OF TIME? republicans, stick with making money. for the love of jesus! no comedy plz!

http://gawker.com/5031433/hiltons-probably-regretting-their-mccain-donations

no more elderly head

2008-07-28T17:14:00.000-07:00

i just read that the HBO series 'tell me you love me' will not be returning for a second season. dang! i was looking forward to the return of this series. i will miss pam "i rinsed them, debbie" from 'singles' and her saggy husband who ALMOST did it in the season finale. i will miss slutty jamie and the way she said 'fahhhhck! i'm so fahhhhcking sick of fighting with you! fahhhhck.' i will miss the handsome elders and their post midlife drama, but i will not miss their sex scenes. but most of all, i will miss big face and little face... they had soooo many problems, and they were just about to bring a baby and possibly an extramarital affair into the mix. this little (face) show had big (face) potential, and my tv viewing world will be a little emptier now.

fancy ray (the comic) on america's got talent!

2008-07-17T00:00:00.001-07:00

you tell em, fancy ray. you are far too pretty for that stupid ass show.

hollywood according to me, pt. 2

2008-07-15T19:11:00.000-07:00

this is a bit old, but i have some time to kill and am finally getting around to updating my online presence. here is another pic of me in front of a hollywood (in this case new york) location i find wildly exciting. that's right, it's the huxtables' house! oh what a thrill it was coming up on this one... i've only been to new york a couple times, but every block looks kinda like it could be the opening shot of the cosby show... kinda... until you come up on this one, and you KNOW. this is it! as i ran up the stoop (and hoped the people who lived there wouldn't come out and make me feel like the nerd i was for taking this photo) i could almost hear theo inside the house whining: 'but i TOLD justine i was getting a gordon gartrelle!'

Exclusive Brangelina Twins' Photos!

2008-07-15T13:55:00.000-07:00

ok, no. of course these are not the real baby photos. not even close. but they could be, and how would you know? and would you feel any differently if they were? would you be sitting at dinner with your family or friends tonight and say, 'i saw a photo of angelina jolie's new babies on leah's blog today. and you know, they were the most amazing babies i ever saw.' no, you wouldn't. because unless the babies are yours, they just look like regular old babies.

i was waiting in a deli line a few minutes ago and heard on the radio that these brangelina baby photos were selling for 15 million dollars. i had also heard this on tv lastnight, but for some odd reason it stayed with me when i heard it today. 15 million dollars for a photo of some indistinguishable week-old babies, all because they came out of angelina jolie's vadge, and also because brad pitt and angelina jolie will most likely appear somewhere in this picture. not exactly shocking news in these times, but nonetheless upsetting. one: because it demonstrates that when magazine companies have a shit ton of money to spend i'm guessing it ain't going to the staff, but two, and much more importantly, these celebrity baby photos are BORING. they're right up there with kelly ripa's kitchen and kimora lee simmons' closet. and as the COVER? please. given the choice, i'm taking stars without makeup or who cheated over exclusive baby photos any day.

as i waited for my food, i then started thinking about potential photos of angelina jolie that would be far more interesting. i think it would be somewhat noteworthy if i saw a photo of angelina jolie:

1. taking a huge crap
2. yawning at a UN conference
3. littering
4. trying to be funny and then losing her balance and falling (better as a video though)
5. playing sexy house with another woman's husband. oh wait, she did that one... *snaps*

best baby pic on the internet posted by their parent

2008-05-16T16:09:00.000-07:00

i love parents with a sense of humor. bravo!

it's pretty, and you can complete your errands here... conveniently

2008-05-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

this is where i'm from.

noteworthy hollywood according to me

2008-05-09T14:26:00.000-07:00

a new series of me in front of locations from movies and tv shows that are of particular excitement to me.

i loved loved loved the movie "the jazz singer" starring neil diamond growing up. my whole family had a thing with this movie, and i can recite anything from it, including the songs in hebrew. i have been told by various jews that i have the words all wrong, but that it's a respectable try.

i don't want to spoil anything in case you haven't gotten to it yet, but neil diamond moves from NY to LA to sing his forbidden lite rock songs and become a superstar. he meets molly, a foxy LA lady in who's in the music scene and becomes his manager. it's all very taboo because they fall in love and she's not jewish, and she cooks him a ham... and a shirtless neil diamond is indeed a sight to behold. just put it on your netfilx already. ignore the bad reviews and the fact the movie won a razzie.

anyway, last time i pushed this movie onto people (JDs brother ben and his wife stephanie) we took special note of the street sign in front of molly's beachfront apartment. the next day, while biking in venice, we found the house at 2800 ocean front walk. it's been painted blue, but here it is. i was so excited, i did my dumb excited pose, and i couldn't get the organ intro from 'love on the rocks' out of my head.

another dreamy flashback

2008-05-09T13:58:00.000-07:00

courtesy of random 70s itunes radio.... "love takes time" by the orleans. this one is all about riding in the backseat of my dad's buick skyhawk. he put the sunroof in himself which we thought was SO rad. i thought a lot about the words of this song. the message is kinda cautionary, but the music is so groovy you say fuck caution! i'm gonna dance! and in the end, you pay dearly. a lesson best learned young, and often, if you ask me.

oh man

2008-04-30T12:42:00.000-07:00

would i love to get my hands on this:

compliments of my friend charlie.

and last but not least...

2008-04-29T22:59:00.001-07:00

slutty wedding dress:

song from childhood i heard today

2008-04-29T22:28:00.000-07:00

pieces of april, three dog night. dreamy beginning, gentle build, real mellow finish. as advertised.

gas tip

2008-04-29T22:15:00.000-07:00

do not go to the chevron on glendale and alvarado. here's why: more than one of their pumps is out of service, however, there is no baggie over the handle so that you know this before you pull in and line up your car just so, turn off the car, take out the keys, put on the parking brake, etc. secondly, some of the functioning pumps still make you prepay inside, and when you go to pay they will ask to see your ID, so if you only brought your cash card to the register because you thought you were only going to have to swipe it at the pump, you have to go back to your car and get the rest of your wallet with you ID in it. and this is all pre-fill, by the way. no tto mention when you prepay at the register, the pump slows down for the last 50 cents of your fill and you have... to... wait.... for.. it... to.... finish. sheesh. me and gas, we just don't see eye to eye.

on that note, i do have a favorite gas spot. i think it's a chevron on glendale and temple. it's great if you're on glendale and taking a right onto temple, cause you just cut the corner, pull right in, fill er up, pull out the other side and you're on temple! easy peasy. i was going to go to this gas place this morning, but i thought, you know? i'm gonna try something different.

i can has blog?

2008-04-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

still thinking about webspeak, this statement would have made zero sense 10... let's say 15 years ago to be safe. just sayin'.

generally when i socialize (drink booze) i panic the next day. i worry about what i said, what i didn't say, what someone thought of what i said, if i got too huggy, if i made anyone feel alienated, if someone realized they alienated me, if people i haven't seen in months have all collectively decided they hate me, if i am an alcoholic, the grand scheme in life and what it all means, loved one's eventual deaths, my student loans... the list goes on and fucking on. i've decided this intense panic i feel would be my personal hell if hell is in fact being confined to the worst thing personally until the end of time.

what's yours?

decompression: stalled

2008-04-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

i work as a freelance art director for a magazine, which means i take the pictures + the words and try to make the pages look as exciting as possible. i like doing this job, because it keeps my brain active creatively, technologically, and culturally. i get to hang around a lot of incredibly smart people and contribute to a magazine read passionately by people, for better or sometimes worse. we get jail mail! it feels like meaningful work, and as long as people opt to pick up printed material from time to time vs. getting ALL their info on the 'net (remember when people in the mid nineties called the internet the 'net? that was funny), i will always have steady work.

hm. i was going to write about how much this week sucked at work because we put out a huuuge, NON green, 160 page issue. but now i don't feel like it. i was going to write about how i should have been able to kick back and relax this weekend after such a great accomplishment, but that i am stuck in stress mode and can't seem to calm myself down. but upon deeper reflection, you know, things aren't so bad.

what i'd rather think about are the names people used for their internets in the mid nineties. the world wide web, the super information highway, etc. i wonder when using the term googling or wiki are going to date the thirtysomethings? remember eudora? or netscape? ha.

happiness is

2008-04-11T13:29:00.000-07:00

no sugar tonight in my coffee

2008-04-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

i'm on day #3 of the south beach diet. NO SUGAR. it's not really killing me, but i can tell my chemistry is confused. it's scrambling to compensate for the absence of chocolate and sugary asian dressing i dump into it on a daily basis. my brain's all, WTF? and my body's all, let's lie down. i'm tired. i'm irritable. i have little tolerance for traffic and attitude, but that's kind of the case all the time so no big surprise there. anyway, it's a fun little project, this healthy dieting thing. i can see how people get addicted to it. it's like when i give fancy ray eggs and his poops are little pointy turds, then i give him vita snacks (healthy doggie treats) and his poops are robust and long. i'm also rather spacey and disconnected. out of it.

ironic wednesday

2008-03-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

the theme song for the botox commerical: express yourself.

by the way

2008-01-28T22:56:00.000-08:00

gas prices were down this week. time to fill 'er up!

below: tramway gas station, now the Palm Springs visitors center. if this place was closer, i would get gas all the time.

coming out

2008-01-28T22:37:00.000-08:00

this has been my secret little blog for almost a year now. i think two people read it on a semi regular basis. and, i have sort of enjoyed it that way. no one to judge me, or dismiss me as boring or stupid. no one to worry about offending. but sometimes, such as when i encourage readers to vote on their worst cosby character ever, and not a single person does, it becomes clear to me that i need to be brave and show a little skin once in awhile. otherwise, i may as well go back to the journal under my bed. so that is on the horizon. i spend too much of my life inside my head. i absorb so much from those around me, but i never give anything back. i'm 33 years old, and deathly afraid of ridicule.

not ready today, but someday.

what would blanche deveraux do?

2008-01-17T21:35:00.000-08:00

on my way home from a long day of freelancing way the heck over in west LA, i needed gas. i am the kind of person who can only part with twenty dollars at a time for gas because who knows when the bubble will burst and the prices will plummet and i will be stuck with a full tank of overpriced gas? this is what goes through my head. i hate getting gas. incidentally, i am almost always running on empty. so empty that when the gas light is on, i know i have five more miles before it starts blinking, and then i know i have approximately thirty miles after that before i actually run out of gas. which i have done, on more than one occasion.

it was on this last leg of fume gas that i was driving home in gridlock traffic. all the stopping and starting is bound to burn up what's left of my fuel, and i am now on the for-real hunt for any gas station. block after block, no gas in sight. finally, i see a shell station in the distance. i think my car is now sputtering, and i roll in with just moments to spare.

as i get out of the car, i realize i also have to piss like a racehorse, so i first head into the store. when i asked for the restroom, i was greeted with a grumble and a finger vaguely pointing to my left. with bladder drained, i realize i am also very hungry and would enjoy a granola bar of some kind for the rest of my drive home. so i grab one, bring it to the counter, to which the man mumble-yells, 'FOURNINETYNINE' i say, '$4.99?' he yells, 'ONENINETYNINE!!' i swear to you he said 4.99 first. i say, 'ok, and can you give me $20 gas?' he looks at my car. it is the only one there. he looks at me. 'WHATPUMP!!' i say, 'well, it looks like pump five.' and he says, 'THATISFULLSERVICE. DOYOUWANTFULLSERVICE!' 'no.' he stares. 'do i have to move my car to get my gas?' 'YES'

i try not to be one of those people that bitches about the rude people of LA, because rude people are everywhere in the world, and everyone i know is a rude person at one time or another. but sometimes, i just lose my cool. i grabbed my atm card from the guy and pushed the granola bar at him and yelled, 'YOU ARE A MEAN PERSON! I'M BUYING MY GAS SOMEPLACE ELSE!!' and i stormed out. and he and his coworker stared me down as i got in my car. and i stared back and gave them the 'smile!' gesture my mom used to give me when i was in beauty pageants. and i puttered away, now in serious danger of running out of gas in bumper to bumper LA rush hour traffic.

i press on, deciding that if i was wrong to stand up for myself, i would be karmically? punished by breaking down on the side of the road, and i would have to call my lover to rescue me and he would be so angry that i let my gas situation go as far as it did, and i could not tell him my gas station story because he would not find it even a little interesting through his frustration with me. OR, if i was right to awkwardly call out someone for being a total dick right when it was happening, my remaining fumes would safely take my car it to another gas station and all would be right with the world.

there was not another gas station for a whole mile and a half. there was a lot of stopping and starting. i started feeling bad for losing my cool on a poor old guy that probably had a tough day. maybe his family contacted him from afghanistan and told him he had a brother he never knew, but that the brother was now dead, but that that brother had a son, and it was up to him to rescue that son and bring him back to america, like the movie i watched yesterday. had i not learned anything about compassion for the human race? did i not bawl my head off at the end of the movie? am i not thankful for all the rights i have living in this coun.... hot damn! there's a chevron! suck an egg, dickweed! teach you to be rude to ME!

side bar: my man and i have been watching the golden girls dvd season one. you could learn a thing or two from the 'girls on not taking any shit. one of the episodes we watched, the 'girls had a break-in, and in retalliation, rose took up arms. this wouldn't be such a noteworthy sitcom plot had rose not FIRED the gun and missed blanche by two feet. incredible. and contagious.

dear golden girls, thank YOU for being a friend.

New Year

2008-01-06T11:33:00.000-08:00

Much to my surprise, I started out feeling pretty good this holiday season. I peaked too soon, cause before New Year's I felt pretty sad again. See, the trick is to peak right after xmas so that you are basking in a wam fuzzy glow in time for New Year's. But this New Year's we had illness in the house and worries on the brain. Followed by THE RAIN. I like the rain for a little while, but by day two I need the sun again, making it painfully obvious that I may never be able to leave southern California. I was in New York last week, with all the people and energy and I found myself longing to be in my quiet home on the sunny hillside, looking out the window at the orange and pink flowers. I have been more or less on the road in life for the past seven years. Always just sussing things out, not planning to stay for good. But now it's different. I feel roots beginning to take to my space. And it's a scary thing. Sometimes it feels like the end of something. The end of wandering.

Everyone's blogging about resolutions. What is it about a numerical calendar change that drives people to get their shit together? Nothing about gray old January feels new and inspiring to me. It feels dormant. Or dying. Or dead. It's time to sleep, time for those tired old cells to hibernate. Time to get laid off and feel sorry for yourself in a dark bedroom. Maybe a time to take inventory, but certainly not time to run into the town square and toss your beret in the air. It's an internal timeclock that drives me into my uptimes and downtimes. Like getting motivated to clean. Or exercise. Or socialize. I can't say when it's going to happen, but I am certain it will happen. And then I ride on that wave and do my best for as long as it lasts, hopefully knocking off a few goals with some long term rewards.

I'll tell you what would be nice for 2008. Electing any of the top three Democratic presidential candidates into the White House. But I still feel stunned from 2004. I am still cynical from 2000. Very cautious to get my hopes up anymore. But wouldn't it be nice?

That said, I do want to get on the New Year's Improvement wave. I really do. Maybe I should at least fake it. Remember that character on Ally McBeal who practiced smile therapy? Fake smiling through the pain in hopes the smile eventually won't be fake? That's what getting on the New Year's Improvement wave feels like to me.

hey! WE are the world!

2007-12-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

something to do this holiday season: sing 'we are the world' with an entire karaoke bar. it'll start slow, but people will come around. it's irresistible, and it's magical.

*afterthought... i love that the art director for life magazine chose a photo where no one except maybe lionel richie seems to be aware their picture is being taken.

worst cosby character ever?

2007-12-07T23:44:00.000-08:00

i am currently watching a cosby show from the later years and am reminded of how bad the new characters were. not that anyone comments on my sad little blog ever, but feel free to weigh in. who's the worst?

elvin

martin (denise's husband/olivia's dad)

olivia

hipster fun

2007-12-07T23:42:00.000-08:00

i like this one, even better than 'your favorite band sucks.'

don't eat the fish in echo park lake!

2007-11-29T19:10:00.000-08:00

i just overheard someone on the cubicle farm say that he gave one of his fish a new home. which at first sounded really sweet, like, oh! he couldn't keep his fish and gave it to a friend instead of flushing it. wrong. this fish was expelled from her home because she was a poisonous african fish that kept eating the other fish, so he set it free in echo park lake! go terrorize the fish in nautre! this dude obviously did not take heed of the lessons learned from reggie, LA's most wanted alligator of 2005.

facebook ate myspace

2007-11-28T09:52:00.000-08:00

here's my theory: all the people who poo pooed myspace (myself included) in all its friend adding, comment leaving, bulletin posting glory (myself included) were actually looking for a more grown up, anti-stalker environment. a place where they can just network with friends without all the bullshit. where they can just have virtual aquariums with animated oceanlife and pretend they are werewolves and bite their contacts for points, fer crissakes (myself included).

making up for lost time

2007-11-28T09:34:00.000-08:00

i am many weeks behind on 'slutty wedding dress friday,' so i give you TWO horrid gowns. and it is only wednesday! the first one isn't even really slutty as it is just downright amazing. maybe i need to expand the category. and i am quite sure the bottom of these is actually a bridesmaid dress. as my friend downtown michael brown once said, 'someone's gotta be the wedding ho.' also i love that the model has a nice updo. cause we're all looking at her hair.

slutty wedding dress friday!

2007-10-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

i am getting married in the upcoming year. and in my googling to find the elusive wondergown that will complete me as a human being, i have stumbled upon an interesting phenomenon: slutty wedding dresses. correct me if i am wrong, but didn't the bride already attract the guy with her hot bod, like, hopefully before the wedding day? and assuming so, what is the message here? we are gonna videotape our sex tonight and put it on the internet? i may be married but my husband travels a lot? whatever the case, slutty wedding dresses are here to stay and deserve to be noted.

hooray for shareen!

2007-10-18T12:56:00.000-07:00

follow up: shareen vintage in LA

i made my way over to shareen's store last week. very nondescript, look for the "no boys allowed" sign and you are there! shareen is a lovely woman, she greeted me and gave me a tour through her decades and styles of wonderful fantastic fashions. she then left me to do my thing, and went on to assist three other women looking for vintage formalwear. so many great party dresses, and capes, and jumpers, oh my! pretty reasonably priced too. i picked up a vintage ladies peacoat, and will absolutely return again and again. in an industry that has become accustomed to a lot of insider-y 'tude, shareen's was a refreshing experience. three thumbs up.

www.shareenvintage.com

falling

2007-10-18T12:46:00.000-07:00

i don't know how to embed videos OR active links. so i suppose i have no leg to stand on in making fun of this. pun intended.

http://www.tmz.com/2007/10/18/model-falls-through-a-hole-for-your-enjoyment/

stop saying 'really?'!

2007-10-17T14:22:00.000-07:00

...in that new way people are saying "really?"

it sounds dumb. dumber than when the "right?" thing happened in '02 even. think about it. thank you.

i went back.

2007-10-05T19:03:00.000-07:00

i was just reading back on my disdain for myspace. update: i went back. i had my reasons. the key difference is that i had finally faced my demons, and could put this networking web site into perspective. and i STILL think it's weird and dumb.

the LAst things we'd ever do...

2007-10-05T17:15:00.000-07:00

the LA weekly's 'best of' issue came out this week. i've worked at exactly three major city pubs that do an annual "best of" issue, and i always enjoy LA weekly's most because they put a clever theme to it each year. this year, it's what to do in LA if you knew the whole shithouse was going up in flames, like next week. i can usually count on at least one new favorite find in these issues (such as the $35 HOUR at ancient thai massage on beverly). i'm not even 1/3 of the way through and i am already excited to check out shareen vintage clothing. i think i have been to almost every resale and vintage boutique in the LA area, and i have yet to hit this one. maybe i will find a kick ass vintage wedding dress and i can avoid the inevitable dress shop horrors. or at least the leopard coat i plan to rock this winter. and props to LA weekly, who understands that in the face of armageddon, some of us would like to be wearing something fierce.

summer vacation over

2007-10-05T16:35:00.000-07:00

after a 3 month blog hiatus, i have returned with better attitude about most things. have been exploring my neighborhood's history, and have found that our house is on the semi-tropics spiritualists' tract. from the patchy info i have gathered, it's an area of echo park that was once home to an early bohemian enclave (dating back to the 1920s).

from a neighborhood blog called 'chicken corner' : The Semi-Tropic Spiritualists’ Tract (where the Landacre Cabin is a historic landmark) is the last hillside in Elysian Heights. It is a City Tract cut in 1905 by the Semi-Tropic Spiritualists between Sunflower Ave and Walcott Way (northeast of Whitmore). The site was recently under the gun of a developer who wanted to destroy the lush hillside by cutting and grading similar to developments in Simi Valley and Orange County. (He’s currently redesigning his plans.)

the landacre cabin is two houses away from mine. the only way you would know it is by the old mailbox that faintly reads: landacre, and even then, you would have had to have some background info to know its significance. paul landacre was an LA based artist and printmaker, and he and his wife lived there until their deaths. anyway, it got me thinking about historical preservation and why it is so important that the neighbors who live around me fight so hard against development. our house is essentially an old cabin built at least 40 years ago. it needs a new roof, and the foundation's a little slanted, and it could use a good rat-proofing. but it beats those soulless prefab yuppie boxes any day.

more on paul landacre:
http://historicechopark.org/id101.html

happy early father's day

2007-05-27T21:52:00.000-07:00

this is a bad man who left his wife and daughter for another family. (afterschool special, episode title: 'what are friends for?')

move over moustache

2007-05-27T21:35:00.000-07:00

i give you the New Perm. 8 dollars for spongey rollers (available at CVS), a little patience, and a whole lotta sass.

may day melee in el eh

2007-05-06T23:37:00.000-07:00

jesus! i am watching this footage of the may day police attack on a predominantly mexican crowd in mac arthur park. people with infants in their arms dodging rubber bullets and reporters taking a billyclub to the neck. i don't pay much attention to the news anymore, because i found i had trouble sleeping when 95% of the subject matter involves violence. one day i decide to tune in and this is the shit i've been missing. i am one third into what will probably be my final baby-making decade, and i still have not decided whether or not this world is a place for more worried and cynical little versions of me.

tivo just automatically changed the channel cause it needed to record the tim and eric show. it's a funny show and they make jokes about meats and deadly lip deterioration. they also wrote a good jingle for rolos chocolate candies. i feel much better now.

www.rolotony.ytmnd.com

paris is going to jail... hahahaha

2007-05-06T23:23:00.000-07:00

A curmudgeon's reputation for malevolence is undeserved. They're neither warped nor evil at heart. They don't hate mankind, just mankind's absurdities. They're just as sensitive and soft-hearted as the next guy, but they hide their vulnerability beneath a crust of misanthropy. They ease the pain by turning hurt into humor. They attack maudlinism because it devalues genuine sentiment. Nature, having failed to equip them with a servicable denial mechanism, has endowed them with astute perception and sly wit. Curmudgeons are mockers and debunkers whose bitterness is a symptom rather than a disease. They can't compromise their standards and can't manage the suspension of disbelief necessary for feigned cheerfulness. Their awareness is a curse. Perhaps curmudgeons have gotten a bad rap in the same way that the messenger is blamed for the message: They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee. Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they soften it with humor.

i found this definition while googling the word curmudgeon. i was googling curmudgeon because i worried that i was one this morning as i thumbed through the sunday LA times. and became enraged no less than 4 times in 20 minutes.

funny bassline thursday

2007-05-06T09:16:00.000-07:00

even though it is sunday. king harvest, 'dancin' in the moonlight.'

mediocre happiness

2007-05-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

i just want to do good work and make decent money so i can live my life as simply and as happily as i can. living in los angeles, i feel like i am surrounded by just the opposite. maybe not the happy goal, as everyone 'wants to be happy'... but people tend to want more, so they can have more, do more, spend more, see more... when does life itself become enough?

i have been stuggling with the difference between simplicity and mediocrity. am i considered mediocre simply because i do not desire material success?

more experts analyze our sad racist and sexist world...

2007-04-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

but first, an exclusive interview with anna nicole's baby's daddy!

racist old guys

2007-04-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

i was watching the TODAY show this morning. they dedicated a good portion of the program to the MSNBC radio host don whatever his name is and his racist comments about the rutgers b-ball team. they had al sharpton, a few scholars, the racist dude, it was a whole circus. anyway, next thing you know, they're having a child psychologist on the program to teach people how to talk to their kids about this. anne curry says she doesn't know how to explain these words to her 12 year old because he had never heard of them until this incident.

here's an idea: put your ratings aside and let the old fuck racist people be. most people never hear of them until mainstream programs make it their top story, and the people that were already aware are probably old racist fucks too. when you feed something, it grows. let their true colors be known while they are alive, and let them die off as insignificantly as they are living.

feminists pulled focus away from sexist men years ago, and when was the last time you heard the term 'male chauvenist pig' when in wasn't in a one day at a time rerun? it's not that those men aren't still out there, but if they wear their sexism like a badge we know which ones with whom not to procreate, and eventually they will die off too.

SIDEBAR-if race does not matter, why are there still separate races? i'm a half n half myself, which perhaps lends to my annoyance with extremes. purebred dogs are weaker than their mutt counterparts, yet they are the ones people pay top dollar for, and the only dogs that get to be in DOG SHOWS! i know, people aren't dogs, but perhaps there's simply a purist ideal amongst all races to which no one wants to admit.

funny bassline thursday

2007-04-05T14:00:00.000-07:00

whenever i call you friend - kenny loggins and stevie nicks

in myspace recovery

2007-04-05T12:28:00.000-07:00

i went on it for awhile, collected "friends", wrote overthought responses to the profile questions... the whole thing. i noticed that every time i went on it, i felt worse about myself. either i wasn't as hip or i didn't know enough people, or those people didn't write any clever things in my comments section, or the man with whom i was beginning a new and fragile relationship's page included cute little 'remember when' comments from ex lovers, or my ex lover was 'friends' with real friends of mine i didn't even know he knew, or someone younger and broker than me managed to accomplish my creative goals... it's like playing russian roulette but instead of shooting myself, i am just highly likely to discover something to feel bad about. i suppose i am just not the right person for this kind of community, but do all these people really have that much more confidence, restraint, and ambivalence? aren't there like a billion people on this thing now? and if they don't, do they all just accept the risk of feeling shitty about themselves in exchange for a (usually horribly self-designed) place to upload photos, stalk acquaintances, list their 87 favorite bands, and showcase a file of ranked (?) 'friends' whose real names they may or may not know? my thoughts on the matter have spun from conspiracy theories, to the dissent of the human relationship, to the simultaneous empowerment and passive aggressiveness of the typed communication, to a multi-defined frontier of e-decorum, to simply having access to too much information about people.

i ended up committing myspace suicide last fall. i suppose my lingering passion for the topic is rooted in the outsiderness i felt while trying to participate in something so popular. i think about rejoining sometimes. i read somewhere that myspace is our generation's woodstock. but then i remembered our generation HAD a woodstock. two of them. and they were lame, and people got raped and stuff.

easy movies

2007-04-05T12:09:00.000-07:00

it's become apparent to me that the older i get, the less tolerance i have for frustration in movie plots. i don't want to sit through the part where things are annoying because someone overheard something out of context and walks around with the wrong idea for the next half hour of the show. i suppose it is generally meant for people to relate to, or maybe it's meant to give the viewer the omniscience we don't get in real life. except i don't like knowing too much, and i don't like feeling frustrated unless i have to. of course, i am terribly bored most of the time.